the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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