I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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