How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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