There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
