I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
