you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize