it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
