So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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