1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If that was your dad, he is hot
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
