my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
