3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
