the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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