erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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