No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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