I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
