SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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