so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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