Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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