she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
