carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
