my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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