guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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