I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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