I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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