forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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