Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
