She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
