Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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