the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he thought i was a dude.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
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i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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