If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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