One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
