I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
