remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
