i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
