Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
