Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize