the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
