the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
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Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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