I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
