Need sex. Gaining weight.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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