You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Someone came in the potted fern
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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