U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
