Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
