Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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