what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize