her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
