You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
