At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
