Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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