so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
are you so shy because you have an std?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
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Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
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Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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