I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
