Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just threw up on my dentist
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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