Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He has the fingertips of a God
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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