I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I cannot find my penis.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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