You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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