the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
