shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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