i already hear my dad disowning me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
