I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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