forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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