I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
