It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
