Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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