at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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