there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
