I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
