Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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