We're like a lot better than the average bears
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
