i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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