we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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