you guys were way drunker than both of me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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