I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
